Frazzeled.

This week, more specifically the last couple of days have left me feeling like I've failed. This whole month has been hard on me. With Scott's new position on the Core Team he is traveling, and this month he has been gone every week for at least 4 days. Usually I don't think that would bother me or even be hard, but it has been every week this month, add to that a two year old, an almost 4 year old, and one hormonal pregnant lady and it's exhausting. I've been extra tired, and not able to sleep , so then I get cranky. Then I'm tired and cranky. And the next day I'm more tired and even more cranky.

This week has been the toughest. Annaleese had a bit of an attitude all week, she's really been testing me, and as tired as I was I had to be consistant and disipline her for not listening or doing things she knows she's not supposed to do.

The past couple of weeks the girls fighting has been getting more frequent and more physical, and unfortunately on Wednesday the final straw was pulled. I could hardly believe the fighting between the girls had reached this level, and after talking to my husband about the incident we decided it was time to take a break from babysitting.

Yesterday , after having time to absorb what had happened, and after Annaleese had tried to wash her hands and nearly flooded the bathroom. I broke down. Feeling like I had failed and lost the ability to have control of things. I feel like I should have been able to get the fighting under control, but nothing I did solved the problem. Why couldn't I get it under control? I felt like Annaleese doesn't listen to me, I've told her and explained to her countless times that she's not to use the restroom with out asking me, and yet there she was with the sink turned on and the water flowing over the sink and on to the floor.

And today I basically yelled at my parents for telling me Annaleese should be potty trained. I shouldn't have gotten on them like I did. But something needed to be said. I feel like the last couple times I've seen my mom that's all she's told me. And frankly I'm tired of hearing it. I KNOW! I heard the message the last 5 times she's said it. I know she should be potty trained or at least on her way, and If I knew a way to get it done that worked for both her and I it would be done. And now that I'm going to be home and able to concentrate more on it, it might be achieved. I just don't want to walk into their home and feel like I'm incompetent because I can't seem to get my daughter to potty train, listen to me, or eat a whole meal at the dinner table. I feel like they think I'm being lazy , and if they were actually able to see what I'm doing they would feel differently. I nearly cried right in front of them. There are so many more things I could say on this whole topic but I wont because it might not come out right, and it's mostly my venting about it all.

Then to add to the week, Annaleese woke up with a fever today. Apparently the fates feel as though I need to deal with a little more stressful events.

So here's to a better week, and feeling less defeated in the morning.

Party Prep

Yesterday well into last night was spent prepping for today's Easter Party. Started at the store shopping for last minute items, of course, and some things I wanted to wait to get. I then spent an hour stuffing eggs for the hunt. Then started in on the cleaning. I cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, including the microwave, the front of the oven , all of the counters and mopped the floors. I cleaned the bathroom very well. Folded laundry, and finally went to bed. As I was doing all of this , I asked my self why I was going through all the trouble. The answer : It's how I grew up. It's what I witnessed my mom do days before parties, and the week before relatives visit. It's laughable, to me because who's going to look that closely at my microwave? Is anyone going to inspect the toilet? And the answer is most likely no, but then there are people like me, who do notice that. So even after having this conversation in my head, I continued the cleaning and prepping this morning, dusting, cleaning windows, vacuuming floors, sweeping the kitchen again, cleaning the rabbit's cage , cleaning up the patio area- which hubs took over thank goodness. I did all of this knowing , that all of the hours of work I put in would be undone in less that an hour of the party guests arriving. I guess it's mostly for self satisfaction. I knew how clean it was and the effort put forth.

The party was nice, the food was great! Nana brought all kinds of goodies, and dad's smoke turkey made great tasting sandwiches. This kids colored eggs, and hunted for the yummy candy and toy filled ones outside. And after another half hour of cleaning my kitchen was returned to the basic clean I like. lol.

In an Instant

It's no secret that life can change in just a instant, you don't always know when or why. It's just a fact of life.

Last Sunday a friend of mine was in a pretty bad car accident. I saw the photo she posted on facebook, and first thought " wow, that's pretty damaged, and everyone survived?" I didn't know until recently that the car spun out and rolled three times, and that she was inside the car when all of this happened. She and her boyfriends cousin were the most injured. No major injuries, but scary all the same.

As she was describing the accident to me, I was looking at the photo, and couldn't help but tear up. It's one thing to look at photos like that, and another to know a person you care about was part of that. I am glad that she and her friends came out survivors. And have a little better appreciation for life, it can change in an instant. It shouldn't take accidents or other events to make a person realize this, but usually that is the only way we see it.

I tried to post the photo on here, but I wasn't able to. If you are a friend of this friend on facebook you can go to her page and check it out. Makes you think.