Going Away Party

Last night was Cortney's going away party. She's set to leave for Washington with Andrew,her boyfriend, come December 27th or 28th. It was a pretty good party, low key, with family and friends there to see her off. I'm not going to lie, I was the first to cry. I don't know exactly what spurred it, but I was the first one to shed a tear. And before I knew it, Cortney, Nana, Mom, and eventually Pam joined in too. 

Its not goodbye, I know that. It's just that she's not going to be here to hang out with. I'm losing my mall partner, and do nothing with friend. It's like losing my best friend all over again. I haven't felt like this since 2003. It hurts, but I know it will get better. 

Gifts and Cards

It's funny what giving and receiving makes you realize. 

The other day I was putting together a photo gift for my in-laws. My sister in-law had been kind enough to spend some time compiling an album of her family's photos to share with me so I could complete my project. Of course I looked through them all before I selected the ones I would use. While going through them it hit me, that when compared to my photos one thing was missing. Family shots. In the photos she shared with me there was at least half a dozen photos with all four of them together. I had zero. Not one. In fact the last time all four of us took a photo together was the day Peyton was born. I don't even have professional family portraits.

I love pictures. I take lots of them. I take photos everyday. Usually of my children. Scott and I are rarely in any of them, and almost never are there photos of all four of us. I'm really irked by this. I plan on fixing this. It's not that I need proof in the form of pictures that I have a family, it would just be nice too look through albums and see the four of us together.

The other thing that's been brought to my attention via christmas cards and yearly letters, Is that we don't go anywhere. I mean, we take the occasional drive to monterey for the day. But we don't take many weekends away to explore something new, or day trips to the beach. Next year - I hope to change that, and take pictures of all of us!

This Time of Year

I usually feel stressed, strapped for cash, and a little out of the spirit of the season. This year and last that is definitely not the case. Yes, I still have the same anxieties, and worries, but they are quieted by my efforts to make Christmas feel magical and fun for my daughter(s). I try very hard to keep my stressing out of sight of Annaleese. 

This year I'm trying hard to just have fun. Have fun shopping for their gifts from Santa. Have fun baking with Annaleese. Have fun watching Peyton steal the ornaments off the tree. So far I'm succeeding. 

Last year we adopted our Elf on the shelf. Annaleese name her Lily. I have fun with her, or at least I try too. I have her bring Annaleese 4-5 little gifts, like a cookie, an ornament to paint or put together, a new Christmas tree ornament. Just little trinkets. Last year she decorated the tree with toilet paper. That's the one she still talks about - I'm thinking of getting some tinsel to put on the tree and we'll say lily did it. I'd like to dye the milk with food coloring- but I'm not sure she would drink it if it were green or pink.

It's just nice to start enjoying the season for once. I'm looking forward to taking her to Vasona Park to see the light display. Sadly in our neighbor hood their aren't any really good light displays.

Well I hope everyone is enjoying the season too!

Motherhood is

Hard.

I had a lot written here. I erased it, I wasn't sure I should post it. I've just been feeling like a failure as a mom lately. I've been struggling with temper tantrums, and a baby who still doesn't sleep through the night. I'm tired of asking for advice on what to do, I'm tired of people giving their opinions, especially unsolicited. What's worked for them, I've tried. I hate hearing " YOU NEED TO..." Thanks Know-it-all, I don't need to do something just because you think that's how it should be.

Motherhood was a breeze for me until lately.

Help! I'm in terrible pain..

So the purpose of this post is mainly to vent. I have to have an out let to do so, so why not here? Today is day 3 of insanity, and I had to step away. I started the third workout and about five minutes in I had to stop. I'm not giving up on the program, at least not yet. I'm in so much pain, I expected to be incredibly sore, I expected to be tired, I expected to not want to continue, but I did not anticipate the level of body exhaustion I am feeling. 

I believe I pulled a couple of muscles. I pulled something in the arch of my foot, doing some exercises, such as running in place make that evident. Landing on the ball of my foot before making full contact with the floor causes a shooting pain throughout my foot. Today I plan on stretching my foot and hopefully working out the kinks - so to speak. 

My Back! The right side only. It feels as if someone stomped on it wearing heels.It's very tight and makes it tough to lift Peyton out of her car seat, into the car, out of her crib, etc. I'm pretty sure I pulled that, I felt that after the first workout. I'm sure I did an exercise, if not all of them, incorrectly the first time or two. 

Like I said before I'm not ready to abandon the program just yet. I might have to modify the schedule a bit though. I'm thinking every other day or two days in a row followed by a day or rest and then restart. It's still exercising 5 days a week. But allows for a bit of recoup. I'm just not so sure this is the program for me, and when something interferes with how I interact with my children, as far as the basics of taking care of them, let alone playing with them, I might have to reconsider. I know that every workout program gets easier as you keep at it. But I'm still wondering if this is worth it.

I've been reading a lot of reviews of the program online. Many people complain of the same issues I am, and most say that weight loss is minimal, this is because you are building muscle. I know how all of that works. To be honest I'm looking for something that will offer me more weight loss and get me toned and in shape.

I'm researching a couple of other programs I can do at home, with some luck I will find something that works for me. I'm thinking something that incorporates dance. I like to dance, but have trouble picking up moves easily - I need step by step instruction, something that teaches the moves slowly first and doesn't expect you to see what they do and then just go right into it. I don't learn like that.

I'm also hoping to get a double jogging stroller so that I can take the girls out with me for a jog - trust me I'd like to do this on my own, but with my husbands work schedule I have two choices, don't exercise or find something that incorporates my girls. 

Whatever direction or program I choose - I am not giving up on getting in shape!

Getting in Gear...Again

Here I am again, starting over with the intention to get healthier, lose weight, and feel better about myself. I started and failed In January. Found out I had a hypothyroid, dealt with that, finally got it in check, and I am feeling much better. I wish I could say that my energy level has been fully restored to normal, but that wont happen - probably ever. Two little ones at home make the prospect of complete restfulness seem bleak, however fun, and completely worth it. 

You may as well call me crazy. My sister and I are starting the Insanity program. Actually, I just finished the fit test. My heart rate still hasn't returned to normal. The only way I can describe how I feel right now is to say F! I know, I'm more intelligent then that, but really that's how I feel at the moment. It was hard, and that was just the fit test. I'm glad I am doing this in the privacy of my own home. I mean, some of the exercises are downright silly, and when you are attempting them for the first time, you look silly times ten.  One exercise is called Globe jumps. Basically you start with your hands above your head, transition to a squat , jump up, and repeat until you have done a square rotation. Picture a frog hopping. I call them frog jumps. Even the professionals look ridiculous. A couple exercises I tried, fell, and laughed at my self. I guess I'll have to have a sense of humor to complete this. I'm hoping to make it the full 60 days.

Again

So here it is, another month. I'm hoping to see some results on the scale, in my clothing, and everywhere in between.

I'm hoping for some news on the thyroid front. I'm glad that I have an answer as to why I've been super exhausted, and not losing weight no matter the effort put forth.

I hope the the matter gets resolved soon, because lately I've felt like a sub par mother and wife. I'm just too tired all day, that I'm not playing with Annaleese like I should be, and I'm probably not paying as much attention to Scott as I should.

Hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel emerges sooner, rather than later.

Hello Sunshine....

Well I have a kind of answer to my diet/exercise frustration. My blood work came back and showed two things, one I suspected and the other was news to me. I am borderline or mildly hypothyroid. Meaning that my thyroid gland is not producing enough hormone needed to regulate my metabolism among other things. So for now I get to wait it out for two weeks and have blood retested. If the same result occurs or the numbers are lower then I will most likely have to consider taking medication (likely for life) to correct the imbalance. The blood work also revealed that I am vitamin D deficeint. My levels are well below the normal low range. So for the next 8 weeks I get to take a perscription vitamin D supplement then an over the counter one to regulate that. Also, I need to get some more sun- which is really not my favorite thing to do.

I guess I will continue to exercise and eat right and hope that with,or without medication my body corrects it's self and I can start seeing the results of my efforts. I knew something was off.

Frustration

Lately I've found my self in a slump when it comes to my appearance. I cringe when I see my post baby body in the mirror. So I set out to do something about it. I started eating smarter and healthier, and added exercise to the mix. For the first two weeks I was strict about no junk food. No candy, cookies, chocolate, Starbucks mocha's, and no FAST FOOD. I did pretty well. I realized quickly that depriving my self of the things I do enjoy is a recipe for disaster. So I started to allow my self some room for treats. I've found that stress is a trigger for me. I downloaded a food journal to my phone, and track what I eat for each meal or snack. This helps keep me on track for my daily calorie, fat, carbs, sugar, and protein intake for the day. It's a great tool. Most days I'm right where I should be. 

So why have I only dropped less than a pound in almost 1 month? I am beyond frustrated. I understand that it took 9+ months to gain the weight. I understand it will take time to drop it too. I've been there, done that. 

Today I saw my doctor. I explained what I've been doing, and what's been going on. Besides not having very much success in the weight loss department, I've just felt as though I'm not bouncing back like I should be. I'm pretty much always exhausted, even though I'm getting a good amount of sleep. Peyton has been sleeping better for the last 6 weeks, yet I feel more wiped out then I did when we first brought her home. After explaining this, and other symptoms to my doctor, we decided I should get my thyroid checked out. Tomorrow I go in for blood work, and hopefully I have an answer for the super slow weight loss, fatigue and other issues. If it's not my thyroid then I guess we'll be discussing what else can be done to show results.

Even though I'm not seeing the results I want on the scale or my clothes, I still continue to exercise and eat better.

Getting Fit...

So since Peyton was born I knew it was time to change the eating habbits, and exercise, but kept saying " Next week", then it was " After Thanksgiving", then "After the Holidays". It's hard to do these things, simple as they are. when you are so tired you only leave the house to grocery shop, or put of making dinner/lunch because picking up take out is so much easier.


I couldn't avoid my reflection in the mirror anymore. Everytime I looked, I hated what I saw. I know I just had a baby- not so recently- I know it takes time for your body to bounce back. As true as that is, I also knew that it wouldn't bounce back any time soon if I didn't start helping the process.

So January 1, I started tracking what I eat with the myfitnesspal app. Gave up, fast food, and Starbucks-which has been my fuel. I feel better. I can already feel a difference, I had Pizza at a birthday party the other day and regretted it. Not for the fact it probably took up most of my calorie allotment for the day but for the fact that I felt terrible after. I felt bloated from the salt and grease. Funny how just a few days of eating better can make that much of an impact on your body.

Sunday I decided to print a free pass to 24hour fitness. I went with Cortney. She worked me out pretty good. I will admit I flat out refused to do some of the exercises she showed me. I'm just not fit enough to do them. I've gone for 2 days now. And feel good. I'm thinking of joining. But not sure yet. I have to take the girls with me and see how they do in the day care. That's kind of a deal breaker.

I've lost about 2.8 pounds! I think I actually lost more than that. My scale at home isn't the most reliable.

New Year, New Goals

This year I have decided to set a few easy to achieve goals for my self.

1. Be more aware of what and how much I eat. Try to eat healthier snacks.
2. Get out of my maternity PANTS! It really is time. I've put it off. I just don't want to buy new pants in a bigger size than I was. Vanity wins this one.
3. Change up the dinner menu. This coincides with #1. I cook the same stuff all the time, and If I'm bored with I, Scott ( who is not as picky as I am) probably is too.
4. Craft more. I have more scrap book stuff then I know what to do with. Time to put it to use, Plus I got a sewing machine for Christmas.
5. Be a better "ME".