Friday, April 29, 2011

Frazzeled.

This week, more specifically the last couple of days have left me feeling like I've failed. This whole month has been hard on me. With Scott's new position on the Core Team he is traveling, and this month he has been gone every week for at least 4 days. Usually I don't think that would bother me or even be hard, but it has been every week this month, add to that a two year old, an almost 4 year old, and one hormonal pregnant lady and it's exhausting. I've been extra tired, and not able to sleep , so then I get cranky. Then I'm tired and cranky. And the next day I'm more tired and even more cranky.

This week has been the toughest. Annaleese had a bit of an attitude all week, she's really been testing me, and as tired as I was I had to be consistant and disipline her for not listening or doing things she knows she's not supposed to do.

The past couple of weeks the girls fighting has been getting more frequent and more physical, and unfortunately on Wednesday the final straw was pulled. I could hardly believe the fighting between the girls had reached this level, and after talking to my husband about the incident we decided it was time to take a break from babysitting.

Yesterday , after having time to absorb what had happened, and after Annaleese had tried to wash her hands and nearly flooded the bathroom. I broke down. Feeling like I had failed and lost the ability to have control of things. I feel like I should have been able to get the fighting under control, but nothing I did solved the problem. Why couldn't I get it under control? I felt like Annaleese doesn't listen to me, I've told her and explained to her countless times that she's not to use the restroom with out asking me, and yet there she was with the sink turned on and the water flowing over the sink and on to the floor.

And today I basically yelled at my parents for telling me Annaleese should be potty trained. I shouldn't have gotten on them like I did. But something needed to be said. I feel like the last couple times I've seen my mom that's all she's told me. And frankly I'm tired of hearing it. I KNOW! I heard the message the last 5 times she's said it. I know she should be potty trained or at least on her way, and If I knew a way to get it done that worked for both her and I it would be done. And now that I'm going to be home and able to concentrate more on it, it might be achieved. I just don't want to walk into their home and feel like I'm incompetent because I can't seem to get my daughter to potty train, listen to me, or eat a whole meal at the dinner table. I feel like they think I'm being lazy , and if they were actually able to see what I'm doing they would feel differently. I nearly cried right in front of them. There are so many more things I could say on this whole topic but I wont because it might not come out right, and it's mostly my venting about it all.

Then to add to the week, Annaleese woke up with a fever today. Apparently the fates feel as though I need to deal with a little more stressful events.

So here's to a better week, and feeling less defeated in the morning.

1 comment:

  1. All I could do I read this blog entry was think: 1) Yeah for updating blogs! and 2) I completely sympathize with you...well on most accounts. :) I can understand the frustration of parental expectations and their insensitivity at times. You're pregnant- of course you're going to be tired and having Scott gone is hard. I get that. :) Remember how amazing you are and that although I'm freakin' 690 miles away- I am a text, phonecall, Skype a way too. :) I'd be happy to eat chocolate via Skype for times of comfort.

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