Full Circle

Edit: I started this post a night or two after Annaleese started kinder- I'm just now finishing it...


It's nights like this where you have an epiphany, and suddenly you have a new found respect and appreciation for someone in your life.

I was standing in front of the sink cleaning up while Scott was grilling the burgers, Annaleese was face timing Grammie, Peyton was busying her self with the iPad, and it all seemed so chaotic. Every thing was happening so fast, yet time stood still. I am now the mother of a kindergartener. We are parents of a kindergartener. We now have a new set of responsibilities. We now have to plan, schedule, and repeat on a daily basis. I am okay with all of that. But, I realized something else entirely: My mom must have been superwomen.

She did all of this and more. Laundry, cleaning house, homework, working on the weekends, cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner daily. My head literally is spinning thinking about it all. I do most of those tasks daily( I need to get better about cooking dinner), and I'm sure we will fall in to a routine and it will be no big deal soon.

It's funny though, how life comes full circle and you finally realize how much work your parents actually put in to give you a sense of normalcy  and make day to day life so seamless.

Long Lost Friend...FOUND!

So there I was in Safeway with Mom and the girls, picking up some hamburger meat and buns for dinner. Mom leans over and says " Is that Robert?". I answer her, "Robert who". She says " You know your friend's dad?" Still confused, she elaborated and then it finally clicked who she was talking about. She tells me to go ask him, not completely sure what I am doing, i follow him. Then ask  him. First he tells me no, quickly smiles and confirms his identity. FINALLY! A means to get in contact with my childhood best friend. His other daughter wastes no time getting my information and promptly calls her sister. By the end of our impromptu grocery trip I have been re-united with Jenny.

Things happen in the oddest ways, but you have to be thankful when opportunities are given. I have been searching for this girl for years, like at least 10! I thought i was close once. A co worker at the Scrapbook store happened to know her, I discovered this by accident. We were talking and she mentioned she graduated Los Banos Highschool in 2002. So I tell her that I had a friend who went there and would have graduated in 2003. One thing led to another and it turned out they rode the bus together or something like that. Small world. She was supposed to get me in touch with her then but sadly it never happened.

I search Facebook to no avail. I tried every name I knew her by. Nothing. I had forgotten that her name was spelled Jeniffer. Dammit.

So after a chance encounter at the super market we  have  finally reconnected. We texted off and on for a couple of hours that night, and tonight we'll actually talk face to face thanks to modern technologies. I'm pretty stoked.

Feelin' Good!

I've got to say, I'm feeling great. Feeling energetic. Feeling better about my self. I recently started loosely following the "15 Day Body Reset Diet", by Harley Pasternak. A friend of mine has been doing it for a little while now, with success. Frustrated with my body's weight loss plateau I decided to give it a try. And 4 days in I'm 3 pounds down. I haven't seen that kind of loss in a while. I'm not sure if it's fat loss or "waste" as this diet is high fiber, high protein, it's bound to cleanse you're system. Either way the number on the scale is dropping, and who doesn't appreciate that? Today my scale told me (it really did, it's programmed that way) that I'm 15 pounds away from the goal weight I set for my self over a year ago. Honestly when I picked the number , I never thought I would actually get this close to it. I'm elated. I may actually break my no shorts rule and get a pair for Disneyland. We'll see.

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.."

I call bullshit on that! Take chocolate for instance (in any form) that shit is AMAZING. You know what a more truer statement is : "Nothing feels as good as skinny does." At least that's my opinion. I'm not just thinner these days, I'm more fit too. And that my friends, makes all the difference in the world. I have more energy and stamina, i'm happier and healthier for it too. And as an added bonus, I don't shudder at the thought of buying new clothes. It is however, still a pretty daunting task to complete. 

In the last few days I've noticed my jeans beginning to have a bit more room in them. I was curious:  Have I just stretched them out? Or, am I getting ready to drop another size? Hmm. So on a whim today, after dropping Annaleese off at school, Peyton and I went to kohl's. They carry the jeans I prefer. So I went found them in a size smaller, and you know what? The dang things FIT! Not perfect mind you, but well enough that I could have bought them. I didn't though. I'm not ready to buy new jeans, though I probably will in the next couple weeks. I'm super stoked though! As I was speed shopping, a few dresses and tops caught my eye. I picked a few up, in sizes smaller than the last time I went out ( a few months have passed), tried them on and found out they too, were TOO BIG. I didn't have the time or the patience to go back and find them in smaller sizes. I left the store empty handed, but happy as hell! Now if I had some friends to go shopping with!

Plateaus...

Look at me, I'm blogging! The girls are napping at the same time, so here I am. Okay, now on to the post.

It seems as though I've hit another plateau. It's kinda bumming me out a bit. I mean, I've been busting my butt. And nothing! If I'm being honest ( and I try to be) as I thought about it, while I might have stepped up my exercise plan, I think a floundered a bit with the "healthy" eating. I mean, I try hard to keep junk food out of the house. Out of site out of mind, and there is no need to exercise will power as hard if it's not here. With Easter being last sunday we've had candy in the house. Chocolaty, peanut buttery, mini cadbury eggs, yummy delicious candy. And I may have sneaked a few more bites than I thought. So the plan this week: STAY ON TRACK!!!! We are going camping this weekend, so it might be a little hard. Traditionally, when camping, my family eat like kings! Not sure why the food is better and in ample supply when we sleep in the dirt, but it is.  So I will be found living in my yoga pants, exercising to videos and spinning it up at the gym! Here's to working on crushing that PLATEAU! 

...And Peyton is awake!

Meals planned

Today I sat down and went through my food board on interest and I picked four healthy-ish meals to make this week. I happened to already have some of the ingredients in my fridge. So we are gonna give these a try. I plan to make these this week!

On the Menu:

Pasta with Zucchini Lemon Sauce


Baked Chicken and Spinach Flautas

Breadless Tuna Melt

Turkey Ranch Club Wrap (with turkey bacon)

Back in the Saddle

Since January and February had left the family sick most of the time,  I decided it was time to jump back on the exercise train. I took the lead from Jessica, and put together a work out calendar for the month as motivation. I actually do better when I have things scheduled out. I stuck with it for about half of the month. I think I over estimated my energy levels, but I did make it to the gym two to three times a week. 

To change up the workouts at the gym I tried a Spin class. Although it hurt the first time, I'm hooked! I love it!  The hour goes by pretty fast, and the calorie burn is pretty awesome too!

I know this seems silly, but I'm finally starting to see my self as thinner. Maybe it's more apparent to me because all of my clothes are a little too big now. But I also see it in photos of me, sometimes I do a double take, not sure who the girl in the photo is. It feels amazing, and I'm not gonna lie, I do like the compliments. Keep 'em coming people, it's motivation to keep working out.

In March I did something I never do, I don't even enjoy it. I went swim suit shopping. I didn't hate what I saw. I just wasn't completely comfortable in it. I'm still pretty self conscious. I probably looked better in it than I thought.( We are our own worst critics) But I see little imperfections and think to my self, what if someone else see me in this and thinks it's gross. So I left without buying anything. A couple days later I bought one online from a specialty shop. I also bought a cute dress from them too! And then I went shopping with Annaleese and bought another summer dress. 

So here's to a Happy Healthy April! I'm ready to get my body even more bikini ready.

(Sorry if this is all over the place.)

Here's what I bought:

Baby Bode!

Monday, January 21, 2013 our good friends, Derek and Alana, welcomed their first child into the world.

Scott and I, along with many of our friends, are simply thrilled for them! They opted not to find out the sex of the baby during the pregnancy, waiting until birth for the big reveal. I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept. Part of me was even upset that they chose to wait, I wanted to know so I could pick out some cute outfits for the kiddo. It hit me though, waiting to hear boy or girl. Not only was it a surprise for the parents but everyone else was just as anxious. What a surprise that must have been!

Welcome to World BODE!

PS: Alana is doing well!

Going Away Party

Last night was Cortney's going away party. She's set to leave for Washington with Andrew,her boyfriend, come December 27th or 28th. It was a pretty good party, low key, with family and friends there to see her off. I'm not going to lie, I was the first to cry. I don't know exactly what spurred it, but I was the first one to shed a tear. And before I knew it, Cortney, Nana, Mom, and eventually Pam joined in too. 

Its not goodbye, I know that. It's just that she's not going to be here to hang out with. I'm losing my mall partner, and do nothing with friend. It's like losing my best friend all over again. I haven't felt like this since 2003. It hurts, but I know it will get better. 

Gifts and Cards

It's funny what giving and receiving makes you realize. 

The other day I was putting together a photo gift for my in-laws. My sister in-law had been kind enough to spend some time compiling an album of her family's photos to share with me so I could complete my project. Of course I looked through them all before I selected the ones I would use. While going through them it hit me, that when compared to my photos one thing was missing. Family shots. In the photos she shared with me there was at least half a dozen photos with all four of them together. I had zero. Not one. In fact the last time all four of us took a photo together was the day Peyton was born. I don't even have professional family portraits.

I love pictures. I take lots of them. I take photos everyday. Usually of my children. Scott and I are rarely in any of them, and almost never are there photos of all four of us. I'm really irked by this. I plan on fixing this. It's not that I need proof in the form of pictures that I have a family, it would just be nice too look through albums and see the four of us together.

The other thing that's been brought to my attention via christmas cards and yearly letters, Is that we don't go anywhere. I mean, we take the occasional drive to monterey for the day. But we don't take many weekends away to explore something new, or day trips to the beach. Next year - I hope to change that, and take pictures of all of us!

This Time of Year

I usually feel stressed, strapped for cash, and a little out of the spirit of the season. This year and last that is definitely not the case. Yes, I still have the same anxieties, and worries, but they are quieted by my efforts to make Christmas feel magical and fun for my daughter(s). I try very hard to keep my stressing out of sight of Annaleese. 

This year I'm trying hard to just have fun. Have fun shopping for their gifts from Santa. Have fun baking with Annaleese. Have fun watching Peyton steal the ornaments off the tree. So far I'm succeeding. 

Last year we adopted our Elf on the shelf. Annaleese name her Lily. I have fun with her, or at least I try too. I have her bring Annaleese 4-5 little gifts, like a cookie, an ornament to paint or put together, a new Christmas tree ornament. Just little trinkets. Last year she decorated the tree with toilet paper. That's the one she still talks about - I'm thinking of getting some tinsel to put on the tree and we'll say lily did it. I'd like to dye the milk with food coloring- but I'm not sure she would drink it if it were green or pink.

It's just nice to start enjoying the season for once. I'm looking forward to taking her to Vasona Park to see the light display. Sadly in our neighbor hood their aren't any really good light displays.

Well I hope everyone is enjoying the season too!

Motherhood is

Hard.

I had a lot written here. I erased it, I wasn't sure I should post it. I've just been feeling like a failure as a mom lately. I've been struggling with temper tantrums, and a baby who still doesn't sleep through the night. I'm tired of asking for advice on what to do, I'm tired of people giving their opinions, especially unsolicited. What's worked for them, I've tried. I hate hearing " YOU NEED TO..." Thanks Know-it-all, I don't need to do something just because you think that's how it should be.

Motherhood was a breeze for me until lately.

Help! I'm in terrible pain..

So the purpose of this post is mainly to vent. I have to have an out let to do so, so why not here? Today is day 3 of insanity, and I had to step away. I started the third workout and about five minutes in I had to stop. I'm not giving up on the program, at least not yet. I'm in so much pain, I expected to be incredibly sore, I expected to be tired, I expected to not want to continue, but I did not anticipate the level of body exhaustion I am feeling. 

I believe I pulled a couple of muscles. I pulled something in the arch of my foot, doing some exercises, such as running in place make that evident. Landing on the ball of my foot before making full contact with the floor causes a shooting pain throughout my foot. Today I plan on stretching my foot and hopefully working out the kinks - so to speak. 

My Back! The right side only. It feels as if someone stomped on it wearing heels.It's very tight and makes it tough to lift Peyton out of her car seat, into the car, out of her crib, etc. I'm pretty sure I pulled that, I felt that after the first workout. I'm sure I did an exercise, if not all of them, incorrectly the first time or two. 

Like I said before I'm not ready to abandon the program just yet. I might have to modify the schedule a bit though. I'm thinking every other day or two days in a row followed by a day or rest and then restart. It's still exercising 5 days a week. But allows for a bit of recoup. I'm just not so sure this is the program for me, and when something interferes with how I interact with my children, as far as the basics of taking care of them, let alone playing with them, I might have to reconsider. I know that every workout program gets easier as you keep at it. But I'm still wondering if this is worth it.

I've been reading a lot of reviews of the program online. Many people complain of the same issues I am, and most say that weight loss is minimal, this is because you are building muscle. I know how all of that works. To be honest I'm looking for something that will offer me more weight loss and get me toned and in shape.

I'm researching a couple of other programs I can do at home, with some luck I will find something that works for me. I'm thinking something that incorporates dance. I like to dance, but have trouble picking up moves easily - I need step by step instruction, something that teaches the moves slowly first and doesn't expect you to see what they do and then just go right into it. I don't learn like that.

I'm also hoping to get a double jogging stroller so that I can take the girls out with me for a jog - trust me I'd like to do this on my own, but with my husbands work schedule I have two choices, don't exercise or find something that incorporates my girls. 

Whatever direction or program I choose - I am not giving up on getting in shape!

Getting in Gear...Again

Here I am again, starting over with the intention to get healthier, lose weight, and feel better about myself. I started and failed In January. Found out I had a hypothyroid, dealt with that, finally got it in check, and I am feeling much better. I wish I could say that my energy level has been fully restored to normal, but that wont happen - probably ever. Two little ones at home make the prospect of complete restfulness seem bleak, however fun, and completely worth it. 

You may as well call me crazy. My sister and I are starting the Insanity program. Actually, I just finished the fit test. My heart rate still hasn't returned to normal. The only way I can describe how I feel right now is to say F! I know, I'm more intelligent then that, but really that's how I feel at the moment. It was hard, and that was just the fit test. I'm glad I am doing this in the privacy of my own home. I mean, some of the exercises are downright silly, and when you are attempting them for the first time, you look silly times ten.  One exercise is called Globe jumps. Basically you start with your hands above your head, transition to a squat , jump up, and repeat until you have done a square rotation. Picture a frog hopping. I call them frog jumps. Even the professionals look ridiculous. A couple exercises I tried, fell, and laughed at my self. I guess I'll have to have a sense of humor to complete this. I'm hoping to make it the full 60 days.

Again

So here it is, another month. I'm hoping to see some results on the scale, in my clothing, and everywhere in between.

I'm hoping for some news on the thyroid front. I'm glad that I have an answer as to why I've been super exhausted, and not losing weight no matter the effort put forth.

I hope the the matter gets resolved soon, because lately I've felt like a sub par mother and wife. I'm just too tired all day, that I'm not playing with Annaleese like I should be, and I'm probably not paying as much attention to Scott as I should.

Hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel emerges sooner, rather than later.

Hello Sunshine....

Well I have a kind of answer to my diet/exercise frustration. My blood work came back and showed two things, one I suspected and the other was news to me. I am borderline or mildly hypothyroid. Meaning that my thyroid gland is not producing enough hormone needed to regulate my metabolism among other things. So for now I get to wait it out for two weeks and have blood retested. If the same result occurs or the numbers are lower then I will most likely have to consider taking medication (likely for life) to correct the imbalance. The blood work also revealed that I am vitamin D deficeint. My levels are well below the normal low range. So for the next 8 weeks I get to take a perscription vitamin D supplement then an over the counter one to regulate that. Also, I need to get some more sun- which is really not my favorite thing to do.

I guess I will continue to exercise and eat right and hope that with,or without medication my body corrects it's self and I can start seeing the results of my efforts. I knew something was off.

Frustration

Lately I've found my self in a slump when it comes to my appearance. I cringe when I see my post baby body in the mirror. So I set out to do something about it. I started eating smarter and healthier, and added exercise to the mix. For the first two weeks I was strict about no junk food. No candy, cookies, chocolate, Starbucks mocha's, and no FAST FOOD. I did pretty well. I realized quickly that depriving my self of the things I do enjoy is a recipe for disaster. So I started to allow my self some room for treats. I've found that stress is a trigger for me. I downloaded a food journal to my phone, and track what I eat for each meal or snack. This helps keep me on track for my daily calorie, fat, carbs, sugar, and protein intake for the day. It's a great tool. Most days I'm right where I should be. 

So why have I only dropped less than a pound in almost 1 month? I am beyond frustrated. I understand that it took 9+ months to gain the weight. I understand it will take time to drop it too. I've been there, done that. 

Today I saw my doctor. I explained what I've been doing, and what's been going on. Besides not having very much success in the weight loss department, I've just felt as though I'm not bouncing back like I should be. I'm pretty much always exhausted, even though I'm getting a good amount of sleep. Peyton has been sleeping better for the last 6 weeks, yet I feel more wiped out then I did when we first brought her home. After explaining this, and other symptoms to my doctor, we decided I should get my thyroid checked out. Tomorrow I go in for blood work, and hopefully I have an answer for the super slow weight loss, fatigue and other issues. If it's not my thyroid then I guess we'll be discussing what else can be done to show results.

Even though I'm not seeing the results I want on the scale or my clothes, I still continue to exercise and eat better.

Getting Fit...

So since Peyton was born I knew it was time to change the eating habbits, and exercise, but kept saying " Next week", then it was " After Thanksgiving", then "After the Holidays". It's hard to do these things, simple as they are. when you are so tired you only leave the house to grocery shop, or put of making dinner/lunch because picking up take out is so much easier.


I couldn't avoid my reflection in the mirror anymore. Everytime I looked, I hated what I saw. I know I just had a baby- not so recently- I know it takes time for your body to bounce back. As true as that is, I also knew that it wouldn't bounce back any time soon if I didn't start helping the process.

So January 1, I started tracking what I eat with the myfitnesspal app. Gave up, fast food, and Starbucks-which has been my fuel. I feel better. I can already feel a difference, I had Pizza at a birthday party the other day and regretted it. Not for the fact it probably took up most of my calorie allotment for the day but for the fact that I felt terrible after. I felt bloated from the salt and grease. Funny how just a few days of eating better can make that much of an impact on your body.

Sunday I decided to print a free pass to 24hour fitness. I went with Cortney. She worked me out pretty good. I will admit I flat out refused to do some of the exercises she showed me. I'm just not fit enough to do them. I've gone for 2 days now. And feel good. I'm thinking of joining. But not sure yet. I have to take the girls with me and see how they do in the day care. That's kind of a deal breaker.

I've lost about 2.8 pounds! I think I actually lost more than that. My scale at home isn't the most reliable.

New Year, New Goals

This year I have decided to set a few easy to achieve goals for my self.

1. Be more aware of what and how much I eat. Try to eat healthier snacks.
2. Get out of my maternity PANTS! It really is time. I've put it off. I just don't want to buy new pants in a bigger size than I was. Vanity wins this one.
3. Change up the dinner menu. This coincides with #1. I cook the same stuff all the time, and If I'm bored with I, Scott ( who is not as picky as I am) probably is too.
4. Craft more. I have more scrap book stuff then I know what to do with. Time to put it to use, Plus I got a sewing machine for Christmas.
5. Be a better "ME".

???

Just not sure what to title this entry. To sum it up my feelings are all over the place right now. I've been worrying a little to my self the last couple days. Mostly about the upcoming changes in my life, our lives I should say. There's so much to do, and only a few months , or less to get it all done, I guess I feel a little overwhelmed.

Annaleese needs to get the potty training thing down.

The nursery needs some work before I/we can even start decorating and organizing. All the stuff that's currently in the room needs to be moved, which means I have to get creative in finding new places for it.

I've found my self, worrying and even dreaming about how Annaleese is going to receive and handle the change that is going to take place once "Baby Sister" arrives. I worry how she will feel. Will she be jealous. Will she act out even more than she has been. Will she feel included. Will she like having a baby sister. Or will she be completely easy going about the whole thing, and really not care. I'm probably stressing out about this for no reason, but still I cab't help but wonder.

With the terrible back pain I've been experiencing and how much worse it is in the pregnancy than it was in the first, I find my self wondering if or how much worse it can get, and what does that mean for the labor process? I had back labor with Annaleese, which was NOT FUN and very painful. Could it happen again and be more painful?

Sometimes I wonder if the back pain is going to limit me further from getting the most basic and easy house chores done, or looking after Annaleese. I try to take it as easy as I can as it is, as far as the household chores go, I try even harder not to lift Annaleese, but getting her in and out of the car makes that hard. It makes it harder for me to let her be a little more independant. She likes to walk instead of being put in the stroller or shopping cart, but I just dont't have the strength or energy to chase after her.

What bothers me the most is that I feel like I am constantly complaining about how crappy my body feels and that I have little energy even on a good day. And I'm not even in the third trimester, which is probably the most awkward part of pregnancy. Nothing like a huge stomach to make you so uncomfortable you can't sleep add to that the summer heat, it's a fabulous mix. On the upside I'm halfway there.